Things I’ve learnt from…..








Trying to pick up guys at Bunnings

Guys only go to Bunnings to get away from their wives or to buy materials for something that their wife has been bugging them about for the past 6 weeks.

Forget about it! Actually, what are you doing at Bunnings? Unless you’re there buying paint for you’re new apartment, hire a tradie. Trust me, that’s a far better way to meet a guy who’s good with his hands.

Men who dumped me

Obviously, they’re all stupid morons. Come on, I’m perfect!

Well, what I have learnt from my previous relationships, is that I am perfect just on my own, and the right guy will think I’m perfect too.

Also, having a broken heart has made me realise that everything in this life is transient and nothing lasts forever. I may as well just have fun with it.

Workplace relationships

Oh, sure, they seem like a great idea. But notice how often your thoughts are drawn to the possible high jinx liaisons you could get up to in the office… thoughts of him, on your desk, on the boss’ desk, on the floor, in the elevator, or the rather tacky, but possibly very hot, photocopier scenario.

Workplace crushes are often fueled by the fantasy and the reality is you’ll act out the fantasy late one night with him and the next day at work you’ll be convinced that everyone is on to it. So you tell a couple of your trusted confidantes to see if they’ve heard anything, who then tell a few of their trusted confidantes and so on. Just remember, he’ll be doing the same thing. By lunchtime everyone will know and you’ll want to go work somewhere else.

Guys who are married to their hobby

Now, I don’t mean a guy who has a hobby that they engage in for a reasonable amount of time each week. I think that’s fantastic. I’m talking about that guy who is utterly devoted to his hobby, that is, they’d rather play WOW for hours on end and hope that you come home from work late each night so they can just keep on playing.

So, unless you can be sure that you’ll never give birth on grand final day and you’re happy to be left alone in bed on a snuggly Sunday morning because the swell looks “awesome”, dump this twit already. You’ll always come second.

Guys that work out too much

Girl don’t go there. See above category, “Guys who are married to their hobby”. If you really can’t tear yourself away from the sight of him in a tight T-shirt that snuggly fits about his biceps, just remember he’s probably got tiny balls from all the roids. Don’t get me started on what the protein shakes make him smell like… ughh.