Things I’ve learnt from…..








Trying to pick up guys at Bunnings

Guys only go to Bunnings to get away from their wives or to buy materials for something that their wife has been bugging them about for the past 6 weeks.

Forget about it! Actually, what are you doing at Bunnings? Unless you’re there buying paint for you’re new apartment, hire a tradie. Trust me, that’s a far better way to meet a guy who’s good with his hands.

Men who dumped me

Obviously, they’re all stupid morons. Come on, I’m perfect!

Well, what I have learnt from my previous relationships, is that I am perfect just on my own, and the right guy will think I’m perfect too.

Also, having a broken heart has made me realise that everything in this life is transient and nothing lasts forever. I may as well just have fun with it.

Workplace relationships

Oh, sure, they seem like a great idea. But notice how often your thoughts are drawn to the possible high jinx liaisons you could get up to in the office… thoughts of him, on your desk, on the boss’ desk, on the floor, in the elevator, or the rather tacky, but possibly very hot, photocopier scenario.

Workplace crushes are often fueled by the fantasy and the reality is you’ll act out the fantasy late one night with him and the next day at work you’ll be convinced that everyone is on to it. So you tell a couple of your trusted confidantes to see if they’ve heard anything, who then tell a few of their trusted confidantes and so on. Just remember, he’ll be doing the same thing. By lunchtime everyone will know and you’ll want to go work somewhere else.

Guys who are married to their hobby

Now, I don’t mean a guy who has a hobby that they engage in for a reasonable amount of time each week. I think that’s fantastic. I’m talking about that guy who is utterly devoted to his hobby, that is, they’d rather play WOW for hours on end and hope that you come home from work late each night so they can just keep on playing.

So, unless you can be sure that you’ll never give birth on grand final day and you’re happy to be left alone in bed on a snuggly Sunday morning because the swell looks “awesome”, dump this twit already. You’ll always come second.

Guys that work out too much

Girl don’t go there. See above category, “Guys who are married to their hobby”. If you really can’t tear yourself away from the sight of him in a tight T-shirt that snuggly fits about his biceps, just remember he’s probably got tiny balls from all the roids. Don’t get me started on what the protein shakes make him smell like… ughh.

How’s that for an opening line in a profile? Is that what we really want in a potential new partner – someone so upfront about their willingness to lie!?








I wonder, does there come a time in all relationships that started with the flutter of witty emails, winks and virtual goodnight kisses – when the discussion turns to what type of story should we concoct about how we met, because our story could not possibly be “we met online”.

Come on people, it could be so romantic! When two people find love online, they do so within a sea of millions also looking for someone special... You may have started off your courtship writing poetry to each other, quoting your favourite love songs… or at the very least, clearly articulating your feelings towards one another.

How many people who met in a bar can say that? “How did we meet? Oh, Dave was getting a beer and he turned around and spilt it all over my shirt”. Hmm, not exactly a heart stopper.

Now, I understand when people first contemplate the idea of online dating, questions inevitably arise in our internal dialogue about old taboos surrounding people who using dating sites to find love.

We’ve all heard the clichés about online dating. However I think a ‘tipping point’ is not too far off regarding their acceptance into the everyday social fabric of our lives.

‘Tipping point’ is a term made famous by Malcolm Gladwell which basically means the moment in which something reaches critical mass and when the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.

While bad jokes about online dating are still popular with second-rate comedians, year by year, more and more people are signing up to dating services hoping to click with someone special.

And why wouldn’t we? The web’s most popular sites are those which promote social networking, video sharing, or link users to sophisticated magazine-like lifestyle sites helping them sell their house, keep a track of the weather and latest news and get a daily dose of celebrity gossip and their horoscopes. These sites have turned our downtime into web-time. Sites like Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and Twitter have created hundreds of millions of people whose online persona is now a huge part of their life.

We go online to sell our house, buy groceries, search for the cheapest prices, debate current event or discuss the hottest holiday locations… it makes sense that while we’re all clicking our way round the web that we might cross paths with potential suitors.

While not their primary function, social networking sites have been inadvertently romantically connecting people for years. A lot of my friends have met nice, normal people on sites like MSN, MySpace and from posting on forums discussing issues far removed from love, dating and relationships.

So, yes, I think we are at a tipping point. We do everything else online, so why wouldn’t we look for love while we’re here. It makes sense, after all we’re all working more and playing less, making it harder for us to meet people (other than through work). This may explain why relationship surveys often find that people list the internet as the second best place to meet people after the workplace.

Still wanting to lie about how we met? Online dating is great way to meet new people and to open your eyes to all the possibilities out there. Everyone’s intentions are clearly stated and you can use all the interactive features of the site to really suss the person out (preventing the possibility of going on lots of bad dates).

Sites like dateservice.com.au make it easy for Facebookers and MySpacers and singles in general to easily migrate to a dating site specifically designed to appeal to twenty and thirty-somethings.

So online daters - don’t feel bad about it. We’re all doing it. And however you meet your special someone, you should honour the memory of how you met. It’s your own special story about how the universe prevailed to get you both together. It doesn’t matter how it happened, it just matters that it happened.

Domestic Bliss?

Relationships are great, aren’t they? Exploring new restaurants together, seeing movies, laughing at each other’s strange bowling technique, hanging out at home together, getting sweaty and breathless together playing sport (and maybe that other thing that would make you sweaty and breathless too).

Oh yes, it’s all fun and games. That is until one day, someone spontaneously looses their cool out of nowhere.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s a build up of not enough sleep due to other nocturnal activities, or too many nights in and a build up of KFC buckets and Chinese takeout containers, but all of a sudden, someone cracks it. And in my relationships, it’s usually me. Whereas a month ago I thought fighting over dishes or laundry was petty and that my new boyfriend could do no wrong and I didn’t mind getting him drinks, cooking him dinner, giving him a massage – and doing it all looking super cute and always with a smile. No, not now. Now, I was pissed.

Nothing had changed. Our relationship was still exactly the same - except for me. Suddenly my head is filled with enraged irrational, PMS type thoughts. …..I was being taken for granted, it was a sign that ‘he’ was happy being a slob and I needed him to know that was not ok. Did he just expect me to clean up after him.

There’s nothing more unsexy than feeling like someone’s cleaner (that is, unless you dress up in a cute maid’s outfit without any intention of cleaning the house). And trust me boys, that’s the easiest way to end the non-stop love making in any new relationship.

Oh, navigating the world of new relationships is tricky. I’ve tried many things to help ease the stress of dividing the domestic duties. I’ve done a daily roster which my boyfriend just laughed at and ignored. I’ve tried whinging – which is rarely successful and results in my boyfriend saying “yes honey, I’ll get to it. Just come and sit down with me” by which he’s hoping you’ll just forget about it.

I’ve even tried his trick of not doing anything. A chore-stand-off. This never works with men. They don’t care if the dishes haven’t been washed for 3 days. In fact, I would recommend avoiding this strategy. It only results in you getting more and more agitated and not having any dishes to eat dinner on.

The only thing that I’ve found to work – buy a dishwasher.